Britney Spears Watch

Oh, now. Britney. This is just shameful. I know that you’re lonely. I understand that you’re confused and stressed and just want to be loved. But this? This is not how to go about it. At this point, you’re just whoring yourself out.

US Magazine reports:

Another night, another hookup for Britney Spears! Her latest conquest? Notorious womanizer Criss Angel, 39.

Cameron Diaz’s former fling was seen escorting the pop star inside the Tower Beverly Hills Hotel on Wednesday night, where the two held hands and headed up to a suite on the 11th floor.

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Duuudddddeee. Britney’s about to boil, y’all, allegedly based on three sworn affidavits from Brit’s former assistants and bodyguards that somehow Kevin Federline has managed to rope into his court. The statements show Britney in a really, really, REALLY negative light and I can only PRAY, for the sake of her sweet children, that this testimony is false.

Read on to learn about her telling her children they’re a mistake, midnight booty calls and Britney’s refusal to change soiled diapers.

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If I told you that Britney wants nothing more than to sell her Hollywood home, pack up her two sons and move to Louisiana to focus on parenting them, would you believe me?

Well, those are the rumors that are being circulated by Matt Encinias, anyway. What? Who is he? Oh, right. I should probably tell you that.

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Subpoena is a hard enough word to spell, but subpoenaed? Who made up this language, anyway? If I were in charge, words would be spelled exactly as they sound, which would make Britney’s cousin, Alli Sims, SUBPENUD.

If you were reading carefully, you already know that Kevin Federline filed for primary custody - I told you that last week. But what you may not have heard is that Saturday night, or rather, early Sunday morning around 2:30 a.m., Britney’s cousin and on-and-off-again assistant, Alli Sims (wait - this is bad reporting: is Alli actually her cousin, or just a friend? I don’t actually know.) was served with a deposition subpoena.

You know what this means, right? ALLI WILL BE FORCED TO TESTIFY (whether she’ll tell the truth is a different matter altogether) ABOUT BRITNEY’S PARENTING SKILLS.

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Oh, Britney. Tell me that’s not you. Tell me it’s a stunt double. Because: college students? WHY?

I’m sure he was cute. I’m sure you were lonely. I’m sure you just needed a confidence booster. BUT IS THIS HOW YOU THINK YOU’LL GET IT?

Let me tell you something, honey. While you were making out with McShorty there, KFED WAS FILING FOR SOLE CUSTODY OF YOUR KIDS. (And I don’t blame him.)

Your kids, I said. Jayden and Sean. Remember them? No? Well, that’s obvious.

More pics after the jump.
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Britney Spears has rehired cousin Alli Sims as her assistant after sidekick Shannon Funk was fired last month.

Sims dined with Spears and a mystery man at Winston’s in West Hollywood on Thursday after the pop star asked her cousin to assist her until she finds someone full-time.

Sims, who quit Britney’s employ to concentrate on her singing career, agreed.

A source says, “Britney and Alli split on really good terms and Alli was very good at her job, so Britney wanted her back almost as soon as she’d quit.

“Britney was particularly impressed when Alli stood up for her and insisted she was a great mom in a recent interview with People magazine. She knows Alli is someone she can trust.�

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Britney Spears claims that she was forced into rehab by her mom, manager and soon-to-be ex husband. She says she never had a drug or alcohol problem and she never should have gone to rehab. She did admit she had an emotional problem after the birth of her second child.

Apparently, Kevin Federline forced Britney into rehab by threatening to battle her in court over the custody of their two children if she did not check herself into rehab.

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Men seem to come and go in Britney Spears’s life – quick: Who remembers the Manny? Or Isaac Cohen? – but buzz is building around the identity of the square-jawed man with tousled brown hair who’s been out with her in recent days. T

his weekend marked the latest public sighting of Spears with the man, who has been hiding behind dark shades. They turned up at Bel Air Presbyterian Church on Sunday, with Spears carrying son Jayden, who will turn 1 in September, and the man toting a crying Sean Preston, who’s nearly 2. Ruggedly handsome and good with kids – but who is he? Bodyguard? Boyfriend? A little of both?

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Britney Spears is a “hot mess� who needs to “stay home with her kids,� an L.A. spy confided. Last weekend, the scantily clad pop tart not only flashed her panties at paparazzi but also let her sundress slip several times, baring her nipples to the cameras.

On Saturday (June 16, 2007) night, Spears went to a bar, Lola’s, where it is rumored that she and two friends downed martinis like water and partied till the wee hours. Spears’ frustrated rep has decided to take a hiatus, but generously declined comment on Britney’s behalf.

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Britney is pictured with her friend / dancer Criscilla just hangin’ out. Then later that same night Britney swaps threads just so she can get a few more pictures in.

Britney’s constant changes of clothes during shopping trips and nights out have sparked rumors that she has a deal with a photo agency to enable them to sell more photos - one for each outfit she wears.

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Paris and Britney may have once been buddy-buddy, but rumors have it that the two are rivals. While Britney checked herself into rehab several weeks ago, Paris has been ordered to jail - for the second time - several minutes ago.

Paris was ordered by Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer. When he issued his verdict, clearly unhappy with the sheriff who released Paris after only serving three days of her 23-day sentence, Paris let out a shreak and began sobbing. During the entire ordeal, she had been trembling already.

She kept whispering “I love you” to her parents, which did nothing to save her, and eye-witnesses say she was literally dragged out of the courtroom. What’s more, Judge Sauer has demanded that Paris serve a 45-day term. Has he revoked her previously reduced sentence?

Next up: Will Britney celebrate the misfortune of her former friend, or take pity on her? Stay tuned to find out!

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Photo Credit to AP/Nick Ut

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Hollywood.com reported that Britney Spears and Ryan Phillippe have slammed reports that they enjoyed a steamy tryst in a nightclub bathroom last week.

The single stars reportedly hooked up at trendy Los Angeles night spot Les Deux–but their representatives have told the New York Daily News the rumors are completely false.

The National Enquirer claimed, “Britney had her arms around him,� before the pair sneaked to the bathrooms and bodyguards “busted in the door and found Britney and Ryan groping and kissing.�

Spears and Phillippe are currently in the middle of divorce battles with their respective estranged spouses Kevin Federline and Reese Witherspoon.

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There are new fears for troubled Britney Spears after she was reportedly seen downing shots of booze after a disastrous comeback gig. The singer, who recently spent time in rehab, enjoyed a wild party in Miami into the early hours of the morning. She hit Mansion in South Beach at about 2.15am before heading to SET for an all-night bash.

Here Britney downed “Purple Hooter shots - part vodka, Chambord and 7-Up”, according to the Miami Herald, an American newspaper. The Herald provided further details about Britney’s antics at the club: “She asked the DJ to play Bob Sinclair’s Hold On, Fergie’s Glamorous and ‘anything by Nelly Furtado”.

“She was doing lots of shots and dancing around like a crazy lady, she’s definitely back on the scene.” Earlier that night Britney performed a rather shambolic gig at Mansion. And we’re told the DJ belted out Justin Timberlake’s new tune Summer Love the minute she walked off stage.

After her gig Brit headed to the Raleigh Hotel in a skimpy black bikini at about 1am for a dip in their pool. Then she went back to Mansion, wearing a red bandana dress and fedora to cover her blonde hair extensions.

SET was her final destination, where she stayed in the VIP room, which has a huge glass window overlooking the crowd, until 5am.

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Britney’s stint in rehab has left me scratching my head, wondering whether it was a stunt. She was seen recently partying at Les Deux with her cousins, and by the looks of it, Britney still hasn’t hired a stylist. [Hint to Promises Malibu: Build a style and design course into your clientele program.]

Britney showed up at Malibu in a leopard-print bra under a midriff-baring sheer red blouse. Her wig, channeling Christina Aguilera in her Dirrrty days, was tucked under a pageboy cap.

::smacking gum::

Y’alls? Like, I’d say Britney’s, like, back.

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Last week’s OK! has an intriguing story on how Britney has suddenly realized that kids are WORK, yall! And they interfere with Mommy’s shopping time, dammit!

“Britney says she has too much going on with getting back to work on her album that her plate is too full to care for two kids,â€? a close friend of the singer tells OK!. “Both times she was pregnant, Kevin was partying all over town. Now, it’s her turn; she thinks it is time for him to be a dad.â€? Sean and Jayden live with their father about 80 percent of the time, with Britney getting them every other weekend. But, the friend says, “her agreement is that she’ll take over if he has something going on professionally…â€?

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